Closing the Empathy Gap: A Skill We Can’t Afford to Lose

A few years ago, I was having coffee with a close friend. We hadn’t seen each other in months, and as soon as we sat down, he started venting about a rough patch at work. He was talking fast, visibly frustrated, and as I listened, my mind wandered to my own to-do list for the day. I was nodding, maybe throwing in the occasional “yeah, I get it,” but I wasn’t really there with him. Then he paused, looked me straight in the eye, and said, “You’re not really listening, are you?”

He was right. I wasn’t. I was hearing him, but I wasn’t listening. That conversation stuck with me because it was such a clear example of how easily we can slip into autopilot with the people around us — especially when we’re caught up in our own lives. I left that coffee shop realizing I needed to slow down, to actually pay attention to the people in my life, and to understand what they were really feeling. I needed to practice empathy, not just assume it would happen on its own.

A History of Empathy

Empathy isn’t just a modern buzzword — it’s something that has deep roots in our human past. For early humans, empathy wasn’t a luxury; it was essential for survival. Our ancestors lived in small, tightly-knit communities where cooperation was the key to staying alive. If someone was hurt or struggling, the group had to understand that person’s needs and support them. Otherwise, the whole community could suffer.

Empathy allowed people to anticipate each other’s emotions, react to subtle social cues, and form strong bonds that helped them survive in harsh environments. It wasn’t only about being kind — it was about creating a resilient social structure where everyone had a role to play. Fast forward thousands of years, and while the threats we face today are different, the need for empathy hasn’t changed.

Empathy’s Decline in Individualistic and Political Climates

Today’s hyper-individualistic culture tends to push empathy to the back burner. We’re encouraged to focus on ourselves — our careers, personal brands, and individual success. The more we focus inward, the harder it becomes to look outward and understand the needs of others. In this climate, empathy can start to feel like a distraction, something that slows us down when we’re trying to get ahead.

The current political climate has made this even worse. As political discourse becomes more polarized, the space for empathy has shrunk. The pressure to “win” debates or to prove the other side wrong discourages listening and understanding. When our goal is to be right, rather than to connect, empathy suffers. People dig their heels in, conversations become confrontational, and the possibility for collaboration disappears.

This isn’t just happening in politics — it’s spilling over into our everyday lives. Families, friends, and colleagues are struggling to connect across these ideological divides. The walls go up, and empathy is often the first casualty.

Shared Experiences: The Foundation of Empathy

One of the most powerful ways to cultivate empathy is through shared experiences. When you’ve gone through something alongside someone else — whether it’s a tough work project, a challenging personal experience, or even just navigating everyday life — you build a natural empathy for them. You understand not just their words, but the emotions and struggles behind them.

Without shared experiences, empathy becomes more abstract. It’s not impossible to connect with others, but it takes more conscious effort. You have to be willing to imagine what their experience is like, and that can be difficult if your worlds don’t often overlap.

Empathy Is Contagious

The good news is that empathy is contagious. When one person shows empathy in a group, others tend to follow. It’s like a chain reaction — once people see that someone is listening, asking questions, and showing they care, the dynamic of the entire group can change. Conversations open up, tension eases, and suddenly, everyone starts to feel more connected.

This ripple effect can transform teams, families, and communities. But it has to start somewhere. It takes one person being intentional about listening and understanding to set the tone for the group.

The Role of AI and Empathy

In a world increasingly influenced by technology, empathy is taking on a new dimension. Artificial intelligence (AI) is rapidly becoming integrated into our workplaces, homes, and even healthcare systems. While AI can perform tasks and analyze data at an astonishing rate, it lacks one crucial thing — human empathy. Machines don’t feel, and they can’t truly understand the emotional context behind decisions or actions.

This is where we, as humans, come in. AI can process information and assist us in making choices, but it’s up to us to ensure those choices are grounded in empathy. As we build and train AI systems, we have a responsibility to embed empathetic principles into the way these systems operate. AI can help facilitate conversations and provide insights, but it’s the human connection that ensures those conversations lead to meaningful, compassionate action.

Practical Tips for Cultivating Empathy

So, how do we bring empathy back into our daily lives? How can we make it a skill we actively practice, rather than something we take for granted? Here are a few practical tips:

1. Start Small, Listen Actively

Don’t just hear the words someone is saying — tune in to the emotions behind them. Ask follow-up questions that show you’re paying attention, like “How did that make you feel?” or “What’s been the hardest part of that for you?” The act of listening without interrupting can shift the dynamic of a conversation.

2. Seek Out Shared Experiences

Get involved in group activities, whether that’s a project at work, volunteering, or joining a community group. Shared experiences create a natural foundation for empathy because you’re all going through something together. It gives you a common point of reference to build from.

3. Practice Perspective-Taking

When you find yourself frustrated with someone — whether it’s a coworker, a family member, or even someone with different political views — take a moment to step back and ask yourself, “What might they be experiencing right now? What could be driving their actions?” You don’t have to agree with them, but trying to see things from their perspective can soften your response.

4. Model Empathy in Your Own Behavior

Empathy is contagious. By being the one who listens, who asks questions, and who shows understanding, you can influence the behavior of those around you. Over time, this creates a ripple effect that can transform the culture of a group or organization.

5. Embrace the Digital World Mindfully

In a growing environment of remote work and virtual meetings, don’t let screens become barriers to empathy. Take time to check in with colleagues or friends on a personal level, even if it’s through a Zoom call or a Slack message. Use technology to deepen relationships, not just facilitate transactions.

Empathy may feel like it’s slipping away in a world that often rewards self-interest and independence, but it remains one of the most critical skills we have. It’s what allows us to connect on a deeper level, to move past differences, and to work together toward something greater than ourselves.